My pals here in Bonita Springs are expert hostesses. We live in a beautiful place with delightful weather and a huge range of fun activities, our homes are set up to accommodate overnight guests, and we have frequent visitors—most of whom we welcome with open arms. The season is wrapping up down here and we’ve all had a lot of company, so the pitfalls of entertaining are fresh in our minds. I’ve written about how to be a good hostess, but it’s equally as important to be a good guest.
Being a good guest is tricky. It’s a delicate balance of making yourself at home enough to be helpful, but not so at home that you’re taking over the joint. The rules are mostly unspoken, yet breaking them can cause ill will and resentment, and neither guest nor hostess wants that. These guidelines will help everything run smoothly during your stay and also get you invited back!
I’m presenting the collective wisdom of a dozen frequent hostesses—from here in Florida and also a couple with lovely vacation homes Up North. We don’t want our past guests to feel like we’re talking about them, so I won’t quote anyone directly. (Besides, the points are pretty universal.) I’m going to use the “we” perspective here. Here WE go.
1. We shouldn’t have to say this, but guests should not invite themselves. You may want to visit us. You may have stayed with us in the past. But unless we’ve issued a direct invitation for a specific timeframe, don’t show up at our place. And, when invited, guests should not invite other guests without our enthusiastic permission.
2. You’ve heard the saying “Guests, like fish, begin to stink after three days,” by Benjamin Franklin. It seems harsh but it holds up. Three nights really is our agreed upon maximum length of stay for overnight visitors. All the fun, excitement and meaningful conversations have peaked by then and everybody’s kind of pooped. After 72 hours the situation is likely to get testy or go downhill. If a short stay isn’t possible (we give family members and those traveling from very far away a break on this) then settle in and follow our other guidelines as much as possible to minimize the strain.
3. Try not to arrive at an inconvenient time (very early or late) and arrange your own ride from the airport if you do. Some of us live 20 minutes from the airport and are happy to pick you up. But when the airport is 35+ minutes away or we have multiple visitors arriving, the round trip (with traffic, flight and baggage delays, etc.) is a burden. We might offer to come get you, but it would be a relief not to. We’d rather be home making things nice for your arrival.
4. If you intend to visit other friends or have plans in the area while you’re visiting, great! But please rent a car, because we need ours. Also, let us know your schedule so we don’t count on you for dinner.
5. If you have dietary restrictions, tell us ahead of time so we can plan our menu accordingly. But if you require highly specialized or expensive products—pea protein powder, vegan mayo, seabuckthorn, Clase Azul Reposado—provide them yourself. Pack it, pick it up or ship it ahead. We don’t know what that stuff is or where to get it.
6. Offer specific help in the kitchen. Asking “What can I do?” is vague and annoying and puts the burden on us to come up with a job for you. Offers like “I’ll make the salad” or “My turn to do the dishes” are welcome. For everyday chores, just jump in. The trash and recycling always need to be taken out, the table cleared, the dishwasher emptied, the clutter removed from the living areas. Go for it and thank you!
7. Make your own breakfast. Everyone has individual preferences about what and when they eat in the morning and we can’t manage it all. We’ll have plenty of options available, so help yourself. And do clean up when you’re finished.
8. Don’t take us for granted. It may look easy, but we make a big effort to entertain you. We adore it when you pick up bagels or run out for more beer or take us to lunch. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, but the gesture makes us feel like you notice and appreciate our hospitality.
9. Don’t leave your belongings (shoes, coats, bags, packages, laptops, uneaten food) strewn around our living areas. If you aren’t using it, keep that stuff in your bedroom. We don’t mind if you’re messy in there. Just shut the door.
10. Don’t monopolize the TVs in the main living areas. It’s loud and distracting for everyone else. If you must catch a game or news channel, watch it on your laptop or phone with your earphones in, or in a room that’s far from the action.
11. Give us a a little time off. You’re on vacation, but we live here. We have commitments and things to take care of. We want to spend time with you, but we also need you to entertain yourself a bit. Take a walk, go to the pool or work out on your own. Bring your needlework, kindle or crossword. People can’t talk all the time!
12. Treat our belongings with respect. Sit on a towel if you’re wearing a wet bathing suit or sunscreen. Don’t track sand or mud through the house. Don’t put your feet on our glass coffee table or change a diaper on our new bedspread. Turn off the lights in your room when you go out. If you don’t know how to operate something—the coffee maker, TV remote, blinds, fan, thermostat, hot tub—ask before you use it. We’re happy to show you. And if something is broken (or you break it) let us know so we can take care of it before it becomes a bigger problem.
13. Young adults, you are so fun and we love having you. But don’t treat our home like a college bar on game day. It may be spring break, but we feel uncomfortable when you get stinking drunk in front of us or chug a beer at breakfast.
14. This isn’t a hotel. There isn’t a housekeeping staff here and we don’t provide daily linen service. Plan to use the bath and hand towels multiple times and hang them up to dry. Don’t toss them on the bathroom floor to signal they need replacing. If you need more towels, ask, but also be willing also do a load of laundry, mkay?
15. Before you leave, tidy up your bedroom and bathroom. We’re always a bit leery about going in there after you depart. We don’t want any unwelcome surprises. Ask us what to do with the sheets and towels and then follow our instructions. We have a system! Take your trash out—all the way out—to the exterior trash can. Don’t stuff it in the kitchen bin for us to deal with. It’s disrespectful and kinda yucky.
Whew, that’s a lot but we hope you get the general idea. We don’t expect perfection, we’re really glad you came! If we all try our best to be helpful, flexible, considerate and appreciative, we’ll have a great time together—and want to do it again.
Now, I, Marjie, am excited to hear from you! Because all of us can relate to being both a host and a guest, right? And I know you readers have a lot of good tips and stories to offer. Have you had a guest show up with a suitcase full of dirty laundry? Did someone use all your spices making a single dish? Was your toilet so challenged by your visitors you needed to call in a professional plumber? Let me know what you think of the guidelines above and please share your own.
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