Can Changing Your Style Change Your Life? Let’s Feel it Out.

Two years ago, I bought a pair of Chanel quilted ballet flats at Nordstrom. They weren’t on sale, there was no special occasion, I didn’t need them. I just really wanted them. They fit my feet like butter and looked like classic perfection. Trying them on felt like a bold move, and I was thrilled to take them home in their glossy black and white box, nestled in their pristine dust bags. Then, for weeks I couldn’t bring myself to wear them. Who was I to walk around Chicago in such expensive shoes? What would people think of me? “They” would recognize the logo and the cost and judge the rest of me accordingly. (Wasteful, poser, show-off, social climber, what??)

I was so rattled by my new shoes, I discussed them with my life coach. Stacia is incredibly perceptive. She understood I was trying on more than footwear, I was reaching for a new aspect of myself—a stylish, savvy 60 year-old woman worth investing in, deserving of beautifully made, comfortable shoes. Over Zoom, I held the flats up to my computer screen as if they were rare Ming vases. “How can I wear these?” I sighed. “I don’t deserve them.”

This may sound dramatic or silly, but now that I’m studying to be a life coach myself, I understand how difficult it can be to change your idea of who you are. To me, these shoes represented a shift in my identity. No one in my world was saying “No Chanel for YOU, lowly Marjie Killeen!” I was saying it to myself. With Stacia’s support and following my original inspiration, I began wearing the damn shoes. Turns out they’re a great fit for my everyday life—comfy, light, versatile and ideal for travel. They get softer with every wear and make me feel amazing.

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Our clothing, shoes, accessories and the way we wear them are not trivial. They’re an integral part of our physical presence that communicates—to ourselves and others—who we are, where we’re going, and our goals and values. Often, when we’re moving into new phase of life (job, city, relationship, family role) we need to shake up the way we present ourselves. By changing our appearance, we not only look different, we feel different. And when we project a glimmer of our emerging self, we open up to the opportunities we seek.

“Like it or not, how we each present ourselves to the world, by way of our appearance, attire, behavior, and speech, all send messages on our behalf.”
― Susan C. Young, The Art of Preparation: 8 Ways to Plan with Purpose & Intention for Positive Impact

Signaling those changes can feel weird and scary. But aligning our style and image to the life we want can be incredibly powerful. And, unlike pursuing an advanced degree, moving to Lisbon, or writing a memoir, switching up your look is something you can do right now. What do you want to be doing in the future and how does that look and feel physically? You can start playing around with your style and presence immediately. It’s a way to put yourself in the space you’re going for, to feel part of the outcome now and jumpstart your dreams.

My life coach guru Martha Beck told our class a story of when she lived in Arizona but longed to move North to a house in a forest. She couldn’t afford to move, but she bought herself three turtlenecks, because they symbolized the life she wanted. Eventually she accomplished her dream and wore those turtlenecks daily at her woodsy home.

I’ve been exploring the power of style, image and presence. It’s about far more than clothing, but getting dressed is something we do every day so it’s an easy place to start. I encourage you to wear the things that feel right for you going forward, and be willing to expand your idea of what you can wear. Like my shoes and Martha’s turtlenecks, sometimes a single object can propel you into new territory. Maybe it’s your grandmother’s gold necklace, a pair of overalls, or black nail polish that will move you along the path to your next big thing. Give yourself permission to experiment and see what comes up!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about personal style and image and what it means to you!