Let’s dive into a topic that’s fun, frisky and fraught with conflict. Some of you might be here for outfit tips, others may feel resistant. Why should women our age have to worry about looking sexy? At this point, we should be past trying to appeal to the male gaze or flaunting our bodies. What about our brains, our character, our accomplishments? I hear you, sisters, but stick with me. I say we can express our sizzle, at 60 and beyond, with a little tweaking and without succumbing to the patriarchy!
First, let’s consider what it means to dress sexy now, because it has certainly evolved for me. When I was in my 20s and single, dressing sexy definitely meant dressing to attract men, usually by showing off my body in low cut or revealing clothing. Hilariously, the styles in the late 80s and early 90s were the least sexy ever. Big shoulders, high necks, color blocking, and unflattering high-waisted pleated pants. Regardless, the goal was to get noticed—at a party, bar or dance—by looking attractive, feminine and available. Alas, I can’t find a single sultry picture of me from this pre-smart phone era, unless you count this fetching attempt at a headshot. (Nothing says sexy like an oversized turtleneck and a bad perm!)
In my 30s, after I married and had kids, dressing sexy was more about reconnecting with my husband. My days were frazzled and frumpy, but date nights were special! They required planning—babysitters, reservations and dressing up. I chose clothes I thought would appeal to Liam, but also that signaled to me that I was still a sensual person. Still, the main focus was on looking desirable for my husband.
My 40s were really a time of personal growth and along with that, my sense of sensuality flourished as well. Writing a sex column certainly helped, but overall I felt good about myself and excited about things I was doing. It wasn’t really about what I wore—I just felt more turned on and engaged, so I think I exuded a little newfound spiciness. During this stage my friends and I planned a lot of girls’ nights out and girls’ trips, and I think we all enjoyed dressing up for each other. It was sort of a sexy-by-association thing. Look at us, we still got it!
In my 50s, we left the suburbs and moved to downtown Chicago. As urban empty nesters there were lots of events to dress up for—cool restaurants, parties, concerts—and Liam and I traveled more. I wanted my clothes to reflect this new freedom and social scene. It was less about looking sexy, though, and more about exploring the thrill of my expanded world. Anyway, I was only having sex with one dude and he was pretty much a sure thing.
Then came Covid and boom, we were all on lockdown, living in sweatpants and face masks and smelling of bleach and anxiety. Sexiness crawled off into a cave took a long, socially distanced nap.
Now, post-pandemic and age 61, I enjoy getting dressed up and going out more than ever. But I believe that dressing sexy isn’t about looking a certain way, it’s about feeling excited and engaged by life. I asked Liam what he thought makes me look sexy and he answered “your energy.” And it’s true, the most connected, memorable times we’ve had together are not when I’m wearing a slinky dress. It’s when we’re doing something fun and adventurous together.
What if we shift the focus from dressing sexy to dressing to celebrate life? Celebratory is the new sexy! To me, the key ingredients of a celebratory outfit are (1) it feels great on; (2) it feels special; ( 3) it elevates your mood; and (4) it gives you confidence. You may very well attract attention from other people, because a woman who is truly enjoying herself is captivating. And hey, I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t go full on sexy with your attire if you want to! If you have a hot date, a romantic occasion or just want to express your inner vixen, I say go for it. But the point I’m making is that dressing for how you want feel is what’s hot.
If you want to feel festive, here are some ways you might approach it, based on a few of my recent outfits, below. You may not see a lot of skin, but I’m sparkling on the inside!
- Playful. My denim jumpsuit and sneakers transformed my mood—I felt spunky, mischievous and ready for anything.
- Sophisticated. With booties, a stretchy leather skirt and a ladylike bag, I was ready for a swanky night out in New York City.
- Sporty. Nothing feels better than being outside and moving in the sunshine!
- Colorful. My winters in Florida have transformed my neutral palette for good. I love wearing bright colors and patterns, they’re so happy! Color elevates your mood and gets you noticed.
- Feminine. Rather than fitted or skimpy pieces, the frilly details do the talking. Texture, layers, pattern, sparkly accessories feel special without exposing anything except your dazzling personality.
- Edgy. It’s fun to embrace your rebellious side by wearing black embellished with zippers, grommets and chains. My black dress is more formal, but I think jeans and moto-boots make just as good a backdrop.
I’ve shared my opinions and examples of what makes me feel good, but personal style and dressing to enhance your mood is highly personal. I’d love to hear what you think about dressing at this stage of life. I do believe women our age should be noticeable! I wrote about it in this post earlier this year:
Fully Fabulous 
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